It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize