it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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