You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
