Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
