Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
