now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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