I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She told me I should be a condom model.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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