Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
