every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
