I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
