If that was your dad, he is hot
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
