ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You may now shotgun with the bride
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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