Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
