Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
