dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
