I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
