you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
