If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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