My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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