he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
