I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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