I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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