Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
