Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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