i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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