New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
