Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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