I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
