fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
