he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
