Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize