My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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