Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
