he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh god it's open bar.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize