my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
