oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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