Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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