okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
