The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize