We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
