Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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