so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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