we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
