i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
