is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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