you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
