Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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