so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His hands were made for my vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
