It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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