don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
