Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
