On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
