I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
