I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
