It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize