Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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