He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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