She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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