When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My balls are so social today.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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