god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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