You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
