I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So much rum. So many feels.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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