You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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