can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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