She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize