I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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