i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
