i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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