she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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