can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also, beer. Big fan.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
