Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
