That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
