life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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