im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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