I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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